An Open Letter to Joss Whedon

Dear Joss,

I doubt you’ll ever read this.  I’m pretty sure my best friend is the only one that reads this blog most of the time.  There has been so much vitriol thrown at you over the past few days and I feel I have to say something.  I want to just frisbee toss some positivity out there because I feel you deserve that.

Me at the Avengers: Age of Ultron "premiere."  Charlie didn't want to take a picture with the "Avengers" because he said he didn't want to be "embarrassed."  Maybe because his mom ran over to the cosplayers as soon as she saw them and yelled, "Can I take a picture??!!"

I’m an aspiring screenwriter and your work has inspired me more than anything else.  When I first began writing, my main characters were always male.  I was afraid to write about women because I didn’t think I could sell a screenplay with a woman as a main character.  Then I rediscovered Buffy the Vampire Slayer in college.  Buffy.  Willow.  Cordelia.  Tara.  Joyce.  Anya. Yeah, yeah and occasionally-maybe-once Dawn.  These women each had unique voices and character arcs.  They were heroic.  They made mistakes.  They were people.  They made me laugh, cry, and possibly rage howl at my TV.  

Our little family "assembled" during Halloween 2012.  

I have suffered prolonged health problems since my early 20s.  My well worn Buffy DVDs not only made the time pass by.  They reminded me I was human when I felt like little more than a lump of useless flesh on a couch.

I want to thank you for your portrayal of Natasha/Black Widow in Avengers: Age of Ultron.  As a woman who had to undergo a medically necessary hysterectomy at 29, I was grateful for the inclusion of Natasha/Black Widow's origin story and her forced sterilization.  I appreciated the sensitivity of your script and Scarlett Johansson's performance.  It’s a topic not frequently discussed in popular culture or at all, really.

Charlie (Iron Patriot) and I (Iron (Wo)Man) during Halloween 2014.

Look, I’m no Michelle Duggar.  My husband and I had planned on only having one more child before we found out I needed the surgery.  But three years later, it still haunts me.  It's final.  A closed door. At my age, that's been difficult to accept.  To see a superhero exhibit the same emotions from a (sorta) similar experience was blessedly cathartic.  Thank you for including such a personal story in this colossal comic book movie.  

Thank you for your wit, intelligence, sensitivity and for sharing all of that with us.  You're one of the good guys, Joss.  Don't forget that.

Your Fan,

Autumn Flynn

P.S. My seven year old son adored Avengers: Age of Ultron and begged to see it again.  Literally, the credits came on and he wanted to watch it over again.  

Apparently a giant Hulk poster is much less "embarrassing" . . .

Kool-Aid Easter Eggs Tutorial--OH YEAH!

Hey Chattanoogans!  Tune in to Good Morning Chattanooga on News Channel 9 Easter morning to see me do the tutorial in person!  I will post the online video of the tutorial as soon as I get it.  

Why use Kool-Aid to dye Easter eggs?  It's cheaper (5 packets for $1), easier (no tablets or added ingredients)  and smells much better than the traditional dye kits (the citric acid in Kool-Aid dyes the eggs so no smelly vinegar!).

To get started you'll need:

eggs (you always need more than you think!)
Kool-Aid packets
water
cups
tongs
paper towels and newspaper

I prefer to use hard boiled eggs, especially if you are doing this with kids.  Here's the best way to boil eggs:

1. Leave the eggs out for about half an hour.  Cold eggs straight out of the fridge are more likely to crack.
2. Put all the eggs in a pot and cover with cold water.  (You can add 1 teaspoon of vinegar per egg to prevent cracking.)
3. Heat pot until boiling.  Let the eggs boil for 1 minute.
4. Turn the heat off and let the eggs cool about 20 minutes.

Make sure the eggs have cooled down before you dye them.  Sharp changes in temperature will shock the eggs and make them break.  You can rinse warm eggs in lukewarm water to prepare them for the dye bath.

While the eggs are cooling, prep your dye.

1. Dump each packet of Kool-Aid into separate cups.
2. Fill each cup with 1/3 cup of lukewarm water.

I used the following flavors:

Cherry: RED
Orange: ORANGE
Peach Mango: YELLOW

Green Apple: GREEN

Mixed Berry: BLUE

Sharkleberry Fin: PINK

Note: Do NOT use grape to make purple.  It makes the eggs gray!

It's dunking time!

1. Using tongs, carefully set one egg per cup in the dye.  If the egg is not completely submerged, add more water until it's covered.

2. The dye will fizz.  That's the citric acid reacting with the egg.

3. These eggs dye fast so keep an eye on them!  Most of mine reached peak color at or before 5 minutes.

Because this concentrated Kool-Aid is so acidic, you will see some mottling on the eggs.  If you leave an egg in too long, the top layer of the egg will emulsify, looking something like this:

You can gently rub off this layer and put the egg back in to start over.

4. Using tongs, carefully pull out each egg and let it rest in the egg carton.

Despite the fruity dye, the eggs will taste normal if you want to eat them later (eat within a week of boiling them!).  

And you're done!

HAPPY EASTER!  (OH YEAH!)

My Great Expectations: Living with Chronic Illness

I have chronic illness.

Not Dr. Dre's album or the strain of marijuana (though that is tempting in a fierce bout of pain).

Chronic, according to Merriam-Webster:

Definition of CHRONIC

1

a :  marked by long duration, by frequent recurrence over a long time, and often by slowly progressing seriousnessb :  suffering from a disease or ailment of long duration or frequent recurrence 

2

a :  having a slow progressive course of indefinite duration—used especially of degenerative invasive diseases, some infections, psychoses, and inflammationsb :  infected with a disease-causing agent (as a virus) and remaining infectious over a long period of time but not necessarily expressing symptoms

I have Celiac disease, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and another fistful of autoimmune conditions that make for excellent dinner conversation (irritable bowel, interstitial cystitis, vulvodynia, pudendal neuralgia).  I also have endometriosis but that was cleared up by removing my appendix, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes.  I had an ovarian cyst and had to have that ovary removed.  I've been on a gluten and dairy free diet for almost 2 years.  It's helped tremendously but I still struggle with symptoms.

I'm in pain every day.  I'm exhausted all the time.  I have to have an afternoon nap just to make it through the day.  And my days really aren't that frantic.  I'm not employed, my only child is 7 and is in school.  If I can't nap during the day, I usually have to make up for it the next day.

I'm not sharing all these details to get pity or because I'm some sort of hypochondriac.  There are people everywhere that have it so much worse than I do.  I'm sharing this because I know there are people going through the same or similar circumstances.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to help or comfort someone by sharing my struggles.

I feel ashamed a lot.  I feel lazy.  It's hard to have great self esteem when I spend most of my time resting.  I'm only 32 but I live like I'm three times older.

Last week we had a snow day.  My husband went to work and my son was upset because he wanted to play in the snow.  I told him I'd go with him and he said, "You can't because you're sick."  That just broke my heart.  He's at the age where he's starting to understand that I'm not like other moms.  That I sleep A LOT.  And that kills me.  (For the record, we did play in the snow!  He was Wolverine with icicles for claws and I was Storm by chucking handfuls of snow around.)

Okay, this pity party is going somewhere.

All of my symptoms and emotions cause me great anxiety.  There's the tug between what I think I should be doing and what I actually feel like doing.  I often feel like I have no worth unless I have something to show for the day.  A few pages of my script.  A purse or bracelet for my Etsy shop.  Folded laundry.  Some days I get a lot of things done.  Some days, many days, I don't have anything to show for my existence except a dent in my pillow.

The anxiety recently had become too much.  It wasn't good for my body to be that stressed all the time.  I've made conscious efforts to stop myself in the middle of my anxiety and meditate, relax or pray.  I found this gem on Pinterest:

It's not easy but it's great advice.  I also found this amazing article by Lisa Cohen.  I love this quote in particular:

When it comes to making the daily decisions about our illness it's easy to rely on instinct. Occasionally, however, our instinctive decisions about dealing with our disease can lead us astray. What we once believed about our body and its limitations when we were healthy may no longer apply, and yet we can still have those same clichés running through our thoughts, trying to dictate how we live.

This quote made me realize that I needed to make some serious changes in my attitude and priorities.  My instinct was pushing me to do, do, do.  But that wasn't healthy physically or emotionally.  It's difficult because no one wants to be the "sick" person.  I want to be alive and present and life of the party.  I want to be perfect.  Life is full of options and I want to pick them all.  That perspective sounds romantic and fabulous but it will only lead to heartbreak.  Trust me.  I realized that I needed to lower my expectations.

Lowering expectations sounds very depressing.  It is a little bit.  But holding onto expectations for a life that isn't possible at the moment is much worse for the human spirit.  As I've lowered my expectations, I feel peace.  The anxiety leaves and love fills it's place.  Love for my family that helps me.  Love for myself, even if I'm not that fabulous person I wanted to be.  I find I have some pretty cool qualities even if I don't live up to the expectations I wanted.  I have many blessings and I need to focus on the now.

I hope this helps someone out there.  Feel free to comment and let me know how you cope with chronic illness.

Scratch Off Valentine Tutorial

Okay, they're not from the same card but you get the idea!

UPDATE: If you want to put a decoration on top of the paint, please use paint or a paint pen and NOT ink!  Ink will seep through the paint onto the cardstock and over the message.  I learned the hard way ON LIVE TV.  So. Embarrassing.  LOL.

Here I am on Good Morning Chattanooga making these cards with Lauren!

For this tutorial, you'll need:

Dishwashing liquid

Acrylic paint (any color should work)

A blank white card

A white crayon

A Sharpie pen (or any other permanent pen)

Stamp alphabet (optional)

Purple paint (optional)

Purple paint pen (optional)

1. Mix two parts paint with one part dishwashing liquid.

2. Draw a heart on the cardstock. (I used a cookie cutter for a stencil!  You can always print off the size heart you want from Word or the internet)

3. Write the secret message you want your Valentine to discover with a Sharpie pen.

4. Cover the message with a white crayon.  It's not necessary to color in the entire heart--but make sure you cover the words well.

5. Paint in the entire heart with the paint/soap mixture.  Dry and paint again until the message is completely covered.  Depending on how light your paint color is, this will take 2-3 coats.  Be sure to let the paint dry in between coats (it only takes a few minutes for one coat to dry).

6. I used an alphabet stamp set to stamp the words "SCRATCH ME" on top of the dried heart to make it look like a conversation heart candy.  I outlined the outside of the heart with a purple paint pen.  

Why I'm abandoning my NaNoWriMo story prematurely . . .

**FYI: This is a religious post.  The choices I describe in the essay are my own experiences.  Please don't think I'm judging you if you've made different choices.  This is really about me so please don't think I'm preaching to you!  If you relate, great.  If not, no worries!  We're all different and that's awesome.  You are awesome.**

I've lived a strange life for the past 8 years.  We've had financial difficulties (*cough* student loans *cough*) and have had to live with my parents all this time.  I've had several setbacks with my health.  I've been diagnosed with Hashimoto's, endometriosis, celiac disease, interstitial cystitis,  vulvadynia.  I also have nerve damage from four surgeries I had within a 13 month period.  Setbacks aside, we have been blessed with the awesomest boy ever just over 7 years ago!  I also started BiblioBags almost 5 years ago and I've made close to 200 purses.  Making purses still brings me such joy and peace.

My writing predates all of these happenings.  I've been writing my whole life and I decided to be a screenwriter when I was 17.  I was a quarterfinalist in the Nicholl Fellowship Screenwriting competition a few years ago and I'm still proud of that.  However, I haven't made the quarterfinals any time since.  It's been very frustrating.  I always feel that I should've "made it" by now.  That I should have something to show for my education and hard work.

I recently decided to focus the last few months of this year on my Etsy shop and to leave my script alone for awhile.  When November came around, my friend Rochelle started NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and I thought it might be a great way to get back into the habit of writing every day, even if I wasn't working on my "main" screenplay.

I had another idea for a horror comedy that had been in my head for a little bit.  I began working and was making good progress.  However, I still felt scattered and confused about my life.  Should I be writing more?  Focusing on Etsy?  I need to rest more than healthy people my age but do I really need to nap as much as I do?  How are we ever going to move out of my parents' house anyway?

I started to pray every day about these questions.  I felt I was missing something.  I prayed very hard to see what that something was.

A few nights ago, I decided to tell my husband John about my story.  He nodded and chuckled at the right moments.  A couple of hours later, I could tell something was weighing on him.  John is very laid back and quiet but I could tell from his body language and the look on his face that something was wrong.  He looked to me and said, "Autumn, I just don't know about that story.  I'm just afraid that it could be a tad sacrilegious.  I don't know."

I could see he was really nervous about telling me.  Suddenly I realized that this was an answer to my prayers.  The story.  The story was not right.  I knew in my heart that I needed to stop writing it.  At first I resisted.  I'm an adult.  I can handle this.  There is nothing bad about this.  I'll make sure it's not too sacrilegious.  I'm not hurting anyone.  

I told John thanks and that I'd think about it.  He was so humble about it that I felt I should at least hear him out.  As time passed, it became clear.  The burden, the confusion I felt, had come in part from that story and my focus on it.  I wanted that burden gone.  I deleted my story and felt so much better.  I knew I did the right thing and I didn't even miss the story after it was gone despite the work I had put into it.

After I made that choice, other ideas came into my mind about other things that were holding me back.  One thought was to stop watching one of my favorite shows.  I admit, I had been ignoring that feeling for a week or so.  I prayed for help on that one.  TV shows and movies are my weaknesses.  I want to watch them because I want to learn more about my "craft" from them.  I want to know what the "industry" likes and what everyone is talking about.

Then a thought hit me.  If I truly want to be original and to stand out, why watch everything Hollywood is already putting out?  Aren't the majority of most movies just "reboots" of older, better movies?  If I really want to be original and to have my voice heard, I should stick to who I am.  I'm reminded of this quote:

And I'm a Mormon.

Does that mean I'm only going to watch PG movies and adapt "Pioneers in Petticoats" into a feature length film?  HECK. NO.  But I am going to be more selective in my entertainment choices and my writing subjects.

I believe my talents and interests came from Heavenly Father.  Who better than He to help me meet my potential?  If certain stories, TV shows or movies impair my vision or communication with the Spirit, how can I reach my goals?

In the meantime, I'll still be doing NaNoWriMo but I'm going to be writing essays about different experiences in my life.  They pretty much all will entail something completely humiliating I said or did that I can laugh at now.  Maybe I'll find a screenplay in there.  Who knows?  All I know is that I feel so much better already about the choices I'm making.  I know that if I pray and try hard to keep the commandments that good things will happen.

Oh and if you were wondering, I'm totally using this post towards my NaNoWriMo word count.  ;)