Invalid

I wrote this last week: 

What do you think when you read the word "invalid"?  You have two options:

OR:

As I've mentioned before, I have Hashimoto's Disease, among many other health problems.  Sometimes I feel okay, sometimes I don't.  More often than not lately, I don't.  I feel like an invalid and I suppose I sort of am.  Being an invalid makes me feel invalid.  Heteronyms are a cruel trick of the English language!  It's no coincidence to me.

I can't help it.  I know that.  But everyday I feel guilty.  I feel like I'm not doing enough whether it be housework, spending time with family or working on my own projects.

I spend a lot of time sleeping.

I spend more time worrying what other people think.

I don't want people to dismiss me as an invalid yet I don't want people to underestimate the physical pain and fatigue I fight every day.

Obviously, depression is a big factor in the mix.

I didn't have a problem with depression until after I had my son.  I had post-partum depression and and extra dose of it due to my thyroid screwing up.  Depression is a symptom of hypothyroidism.  I started taking medication for it about 3 years ago.  It's helped tremendously.  Talking to friends with similar problems has helped as well.  But it doesn't go away.  Not completely.

Lately I've been struggling with it again.  My fatigue is worse than it's been in years.  I realize the thyroid demon is attacking again.  That means lots of mood swings and depression.  Once I likened depression to drowning.  It's like you're drowning for months at a time but you don't know it.  Every once and a while, you'll get a gasp of air and you realize that you've been underwater all that time.

You can't talk depression away.  "Positive thinking" or exercise doesn't get rid of it though they don't hurt.  It's an imbalance of chemicals.  People with depression cannot help it.

That doesn't make me feel better about myself.

I still punish myself.  Why can't I be better?  Do more?  At times I absolutely hate myself for not being able to do what other people do.

Updated today: 

After some lab work and a visit with my endocrinologist Monday, I found out I'm severely anemic.  A normal hemoglobin level is about 14 and mine was a 9.  No wonder I've been so exhausted!  I've had to do extra testing to determine the cause.  Part of me is scared because it could be something more serious (I don't even want to mention the "c" word).  But then again, all these symptoms are typical of hypothyroidism.

I think my biggest problem is not my health.  I can't change that.  I can eat right and keep up with my endless pills.  I do try hard to be a responsible patient and be (homonym alert!) patient with my body and the whole medical system.  Overall, I think my negativity and self esteem are my biggest problems.  I have to stop comparing myself to others, even ones that have the same condition I do.  Just because we have the same condition doesn't mean we have the same circumstances.  I know it's true but most of the time I don't feel that it's true.  A big part of me just feels that I'm a big loser.  I guess it's a daily struggle.  I have to make the choice every day to be positive even if I feel like crap.

Prom ReFashion and The Moth Ball 2013

I have always loved my hot pink prom dress.  Maybe because it's my favorite color (well, I love yellow a lot too).  Maybe because I bought it with my own money ($72 was a lot for me back then).  Whatever the reason, I've kept it for 13 years.

A few weeks ago, my physical therapist told me about "The Moth Ball."  It's a charity event that benefits battered women in our area.  For the party, you're supposed to wear an old wedding, prom or bridesmaid dress (hence the name, "Moth Ball").  I loved the idea and immediately raided my closet.  My wedding dress still fit, but was huge.  I didn't want to spend the night with people stepping all over my dress.  My beloved prom dress was a Juniors' size 3 and I couldn't fit into it.  I was really bummed because I wanted to wear my pink dress.  Then, I got an idea.  Maybe I could make a skirt from the bottom of the dress!  I did and it only took 45 minutes!  Here's how I did it:

1. Starting at the bottom of the zipper, I cut off the bottom half of the dress.

2. Using measuring tape and a fabric marker, I measured from the hem to the lowest cut part.  I made a mark at that specific measurement around the entire skirt so it would be even.  I cut using my marks as a guide.

3. I ironed a fold that measured one inch from the top.  I folded the top of the skirt again (about 2.5 inches since my elastic was 2 inches wide) and ironed it.  I added pins around this bigger fold.

4. I sewed along the bottom of the 2.5 inch fold, leaving a 4 inch gap where I could slip the elastic in.  The fabric did get bunched as I went, seeing as the top of the dress was smaller than the bottom.  I didn't worry too much since it would all be bunchy once I used the elastic.

5. I attached a safety pin at one end of the elastic and pushed it inside the "tube" I had just sewed at the top of the skirt.  I pushed it until it was all the way around the skirt.  I sewed the two elastic ends together, then sewed the 4 inch hole.  Tah-dah!  Finished!

To cover up the elastic waist, I wore a wide belt over it.  I wish I had used a thinner elastic.  That way, it would've been easier to hide!  I originally wanted to wear the skirt with a white oxford shirt for a 50s look, but I had no time to shop before the ball.  It turned out alright in the end.  It was so great to wear my "prom dress" to the ball!  They even played a song from my era that I remember dancing to at my prom in 2000 (er, graphic lyrics just to warn you).  Ah, sweet memories.

My friend Kimberly was my "date" and we had the best time!  The food was good, the DJ was awesome.  It was so fun to see all the dresses.  They ranged from the silly (one woman had duct-taped her wedding dress together!) to the sexy (the 21 year olds just there to drink and look better than the rest of us).  (Check out photos from the ball here!)  Afterwards, we went to Rembrandt's coffee house for some mint tea and cookies.  It was a fabulous night!  We decided this is going to be a tradition and that we needed to invite more people along next year.

Click here for more info on The Moth Ball!

10 Things I Learned Over the Holidays

1. My four year old niece knows all the words to Carly Ray Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe."  Well, except she sings "red cheese wind was flowing" instead of "ripped jeans skin was showing."

2. My father loves the song "Call Me Maybe."  My 64 year old father.

3. Ham and Cheese Feuillete (a Christmas Eve staple for my family) is my Kryptonite.  That is, if Kryptonite gives Superman diarrhea and incessant cramping.  But it tastes so gooood . . .

4. I have no willpower when it comes to food.  I should be on the evil IC Diet (tagline: "It puts the 'die' in 'diet'!") but I gave it up for a month and a half for the holidays.  I'm still paying for it.  I'll still be paying for it until Easters.

5. I'm not as good at Just Dance as I thought.  I thought I was purty dadgum good, especially at hip hop.  Then, my niece beat me at Flo Rida.  Flo Rida!  The worst part?  She's homeschooled.  I got schooled in hip hop by a 13 year old homeschooler.

6. You don't have to let kids (or your aunt!) win at games to have fun.  I played Just Dance for hours with my son and nieces on Christmas and New Year's Eve.  I was so into that game that I didn't think to even let any of them win (best. aunt. ever).  Despite my selfishness, we all had SO much fun.  Really!  I was the only adult playing but it was seriously so much fun to have the kids to myself and dance like a maniac.  Here's a video of my nieces and my kiddo Rickrollin' (yes, "Never Gonna Give You Up" is on Just Dance 4 and it's hilarious.)

7. I like eggs!  I've hated eggs for as long as I can remember.  On Christmas morning, I realized I liked scrambled eggs!  I've added them to my diet now for extra protein.  It'll be awhile before I think I can try eggs poached or fried.  Hard-boiled?  Never.  Deviled?  Not on your life.  Egg salad?  I just threw up on my keyboard.

8. My mom is a superhero.  She cooked and cooked and cooked for DAYS.  She has problems with her feet so it's difficult for her to be on her feet for very long.  She always gives all of herself to make sure everything is perfect and everyone is happy.  I hope I can be half the woman she is someday.

"A scooter?  Really?  That's sooo pre-K, guys."

9. My beautiful 5 year old son doesn't need expensive or big gifts to make him happy.  We got him a scooter and put a big bow on it so it'd be the first thing he saw Christmas morning.  He glanced at it then dove into his stocking.  We said, "Charlie, did you see what you got?"  We were begging for a positive reaction, a smile, something!  He lazily nodded and said, "Um-hmm."  He looked back at his stocking and his eyes grew three times their normal size.  Charlie gasped and said, "Crayons?!  Thank you!"  In his defense, it was the 24 pack.  Those are awesome.  I sniff l them when he's not looking.  Ahh, new crayon smell!  He did take a liking to his scooter later in the day.  Here he is trying it out, whilst sporting his new Captain America costume:

10. My husband is the most wonderful man ever.  He took me to see "Les Miserables" the day after Christmas.  I prepared myself (and my husband) for an emotional breakdown during the movie.  However, I didn't cry one tear!  I'm so proud of myself.  I guess since I've seen the show and I knew the story (not to mention 3/4 of the lyrics), it didn't get to me.  It did get to one audience member, however . . . after the song "Red and Black", a manly voice bellowed "AMEN!"  Everyone in the theater burst into laughter.  I didn't think about it until later but I think this is the reason for his burst of enthusiasm: red and black are the colors for UGA, The University of Georgia.  Welcome to the South!  Football is everywhere.

I adored "Les Miserables."  I could've watched it a second time, right then and there.  I hope Hugh Jackman wins the Oscar.  He worked so hard on that movie and he is the glue that holds it together.  I wish Russell Crowe had been a little more intense but he wasn't horrible.  The movie was so good, people stood and applauded at the end!  I love it when that happens at the movies.

It's the thought . . .

Hello everyone!  Hope you all had a great holiday.  I used to be a Grinch about Christmas (sometimes I still am when I get overwhelmed or annoyed by family) but now I've come to appreciate it as an adult.  However, I've noticed a troubling (well, to me anyway) trend concerning gifts.  This trend is not limited to Christmas, as you'll see.

As with a lot of ridiculous trends, it started on Pinterest or at least it has exploded on the popular site.  It's what I like to call, "Giving a crappy pantry staple disguised as a real gift."  A few examples:

One day in our women's class at church, one of our leaders announced we would have an activity to learn how to make a meal in a can.  She joyfully added, "They make great Christmas gifts."  My friend turned to me, rolled her eyes and said, "If anyone ever gave me a gift in a jar . . ."

Wow.  This crafter showed appreciation for her child's teacher by sending a Thank You note . . . on a bottle of hand sanitizer.  I bet the other moms didn't think of that one!  

A gift that makes all of Dad's hard work worth it: cheap taffy in a necktie shaped bag.  Oh, don't forget the poem in a font that makes Comic Sans look legit.

Now this is ingenuity.  Wrap a present with part of the present!  Only I still haven't figured out the connection between knee socks and wine.  Is that a thing now?  Wine and socks?  Seriously, help me out.  I'm a Mormon, I don't get this stuff.

I saved the worst for last.  As if giving soda and popcorn wasn't bad enough, this gift has been "cuted up" with horrible grammar.  As if the bad grammar wasn't bad enough, the poem is a reference to an old Alka Seltzer ad.  How is that cute or appealing?  

Okay, okay, I've had my fun.  My point is that these gifts and many others are designed to benefit the giver more than the receiver.  Endless pins promise "easy" and "cheap" DIY gifts.  If the cliche "It's the thought that counts" bears any truth, these people are giving "easy" and "cheap"!  I wouldn't want to be a recipient of easy and cheap . . . and I'll tell you a secret.  If I person gets a gift like this, they KNOW you didn't put a lot of thought or effort into it.  Sure, you may think it's cute to give someone a box of brownies with a note reading, "I'm saving up my brownie points!" but to the recipient, you are just too lazy to make the brownies yourself!  In the end, a soda is just a soda.  I don't care if you write a heartbreakingly beautiful haiku on the bottle . . . it's still soda!  Who gives soda???

There are exceptions.  Right after my hysterectomy last year, one of my best friends sent me a box of cherry Pop Tarts.  I LOVE cherry Pop Tarts!  It also helped that she included a hand knit hat and scarf. That present has seriously meant more to me than any other I've received.  So maybe you and your BFF have a joke about wine and socks.  That would be perfect!  Again, it's the thought that counts.  You don't have to spend tons of money or spend hours to make a gift.  Just be sincere!  That's all I (and your friends, family and children's teachers) ask.

What do you guys think?

Life of Pie: The Perfect Pie Crust Recipe

Pumpkin Pie Thanksgiving Miniature Dollhouse Scale Polymer Clay Pie Crust Leaves & Berries by Brown Eyed Rose on Etsy

I am a pie crust snob and being such, I'm alarmed at the first ingredient of 96% (that's an approximation) of pie recipes.

"1 refrigerated pie crust, softened as directed on box"

"2 frozen pie crusts, thawed"

No.  No, no, no.  I understand the convenience factor.  But the taste?  Bleeech!  If you think there is nothing wrong with the way a store bought crust tastes, you clearly have never had a homemade crust made the right way.  (Told ya' I was a crust snob.)

Pie Crust - Watercolor 10x8 Print by Kitchen Fairies on Etsy

Here's my mom's recipe:

Printable Version

Pie Crust (this makes two 9-inch crusts: top and bottom)

2 cups flour
1/2 tsp. salt
3/4 cup shortening OR coconut oil (see below)*
6 tbsp. cold water

With a pastry blender (a fork or your fingers will do but pastry blenders make it easier), mix the flour and shortening (or oil) until a crumby mixture is formed.  Avoid large clumps of shortening or coconut oil.  The largest crumbs should be no bigger than a pea.

Pour the cold water evenly on the crumbs.  With a fork (or your hand), mix the water and crumbs together until they form a ball.

*If using coconut oil, use the crust immediately.  If using shortening, it can be refrigerated for 3-5 days or frozen.

As I've whined many times, I have many health issues and have a strict diet.  Shortening doesn't agree with me so I tried the health product du jour, coconut oil.  They have similar textures and it worked out perfectly!  One night I made a chicken pot pie (drooool . . . one of my favorites) with coconut oil in the crust and didn't tell my hubby.  He said he actually preferred the coconut oil version!  The crust was much flakier.

Apple Pie Crust Abstract Photograph- Sweet Heart - Sweet Baked Golden Heart Sugary Pie Love - 8x10 Fine Art Photo Print by summerowens on Etsy

There is a drawback to using coconut oil.  It's more finicky than shortening.  DO NOT refrigerate pie crust dough made with coconut oil.  It will fall to crumbs.  So, you cannot make a coconut oil crust ahead of time.  However, you can do a half shortening/half coconut oil crust and it is more forgiving.  I have tried the crust three ways and they are all equally delicious.  It just depends on what your schedule or diet allows.

Skip the yucky processed pie crust and you and your family will truly taste a difference!  You may not go back to freezer aisle crust again!